Catastrophising

I have just reread Things to make you feel comfortable when ringing bells https://dingdong887180022.wordpress.com and found it helpful. I wrote it back in  September 2021 when we were drifting back to towers and trying to re-establish ourselves as ringers.

I had a “good” ringing lockdown in that I learned to ring handbells and I also discovered the delights of ringing in a virtual world where minor inconveniences such as having to handle a bell retreated. I found that trebling to surprise methods was a doddle – 6 bells, 8 bells, 10 bells immaterial and, give me a line, I could ring anything that was suggested, bobs and singles welcome.

The jolt back to earth  once we re-entered towers was humiliating and destroyed my confidence. “You can ring plain bob minor” they said, “You rang a quarter in hand last week”. But I found that the learning and skills did not translate. Similarly, being able to count my place and ring tower bells in a virtual world, bore very little relation to the demands of handling a real bell and knowing when to pull the rope in order to strike in the correct place. Pressing a button is easy; but for me, handling a bell is not.

Therefore, I had to go back to basics and try to re-learn what I needed in order to move on.

It has not been a huge success. I must be the most unbalanced ringer in Christendom. The more I fret about my inability to do in real life what I find simple in the virtual world, the worse it becomes. The only place where I feel “safe” is on training bells at the MRDC in Norwich, where each week I make a little progress into method ringing. But back in the tower I grab, I panic, I do not trust myself to catch the sally and the need to direct all my attention to basic handling, means that methods become impossible or even dangerous. Rounds, plain hunting or treble bob hunting are my limit. If someone is handling badly near me, then I am lost, perhaps for the rest of the session. Their flappy rope reminds me of my flappy rope and although they seem to cope admirably, for some reason I can’t. A near miss by someone else merely serves to remind me of what a perilous exercise tower ringing can be.

This is not good and it makes me a liability to the rest of the band. Also, a waste of space – “Would I please treble to plain bob? No thank you, the treble is bouncing around quite alarmingly”.  “Might I cover for Stedman? No thank you, the rope is too short.”  Again and again I refuse to contribute, and each time it feels like another nail in the coffin of what I can no longer do.

So I read my own advice and I will try to follow it but it often feels like I am hanging on by finger nails. I saw a Welcome to new ringers on Facebook this week and someone mentioned the “thrill” that she still gets every time that she pulls off, years after she learned to ring. I think that might be what I am lacking. I have never got a “thrill”, rather a sense of possible disaster. It used to settle down after the first catch, but lately, it remains with me – this feeling that bad things might happen, not in the sense of losing the line or the rhythm, but rather that injury  to myself or someone else might result. I even suffer this feeling of impending doom when I am sitting out and an Absolute Beginner is struggling to control a bell. Furthermore, if a teacher chooses to demonstrate some bad ringing in order to show the possible consequences of a slack rope or whatever, I have to look away because the disaster scenario that loops through my head is all too real. I do not need a reinforcing warning.

One of my own bits of advice is, if things are not right, then to tell someone and ask for support.  Therefore, I am telling all of you, but I do not expect anyone to dash round and sort me out. My tendency to catastrophise is probably too entrenched.

I might have been a splendid skier, if I had not been so scared of speed and mountains. I might have been a great driver if managing a clutch and gears did not confuse me. Perhaps I  could have been a  champion diver if putting my face in the water was not so off-putting. I might have done all manner of things if only I was not such a wuss.

At least I have justified the purchase of some new shoes since that helped last time. Comfortable feet are important, especially if the rest of you is uncomfortable.